As I mentioned before, I live with a guy. It was the one thing I always said I’d never, ever do. I was raised hearing people say things like “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”.
So why did I do it you ask?
My boyfriend and I didn’t actually make the decision to live together. It’s something that progressively happened. First his toothbrush found a permanent spot in the bathroom and before I knew it, so did everything else. Besides the old theory that living together increases the chances of divorce has been thrown out. Wohoo!!
It still took be a while to get comfortable with the fact that we’re just living together and to be honest, I don’t think I’m 100% comfortable with this.
More than the fact that we we live together, I would change the way we started living together. If I could, I’d jump in my little time machine and do a few things differently.
1) Discuss your expectations
Whether you would like to be married at some point or feel comfortable simply living together, it’s best to get things out in the open. If you decide to move in together and hope to get married, it’s best to be clear about this from the get go. It’s very easy for guys to think that living together is enough of a commitment. Like this:
“We interviewed a woman who assumed that moving in with her boyfriend was an engagement. But she never actually spoke to her boyfriend about it. When she found out he didn’t want to marry her, she was heartbroken.”
Living together often means you’ll have to share expenses. The way you divide expenses is really up to you. Some couples go 50/50 while others go by proportions and some aren’t that particular. Because we didn’t walk about this, we ended up just winging it… not a good idea. Our financial habits were different and I felt awkward talking about money and my BF often ended up frustrated over not knowing exactly what our monthly expenses were. It took us months to finally sit down and discuss it.
3) Find a place together
My BF moved into to my place and as much as I thought I was being inclusive, the fact remains that a small part of him felt like it was more my home than his. It was ‘my place‘ for so long and I had everything set up exactly the in girly way I wanted it that he felt uncomfortable customizing it to his needs.
These days more and more couples are successfully living together and go on to have happy marriages, but like everything else in life, it’s MUCH easier when you’ve prepared for it.
What did/would you consider before moving in together?